America’s Funniest Police Log

By: Greg Mitchell

Kevin Hoover is enjoying his 15 minutes of fame as one of the country’s most celebrated (and funniest) weekly newspaper editor/publishers, but he wants people to know that he’s not about to abandon the “bizarre interactions” of life in Arcata, Calif. “I like being small,” he told E&P, after an Associated Press article about him was picked up last week by papers and spread far and wide via the Web.

Hoover, who founded the roughly 3,000-circulation Arcata Eye six years ago, writes its “Police Log,” but it’s far from the usual “just the facts, ma’am.” Hoover said he “tries to convey true information while having a lot of fun with it.” He jokes, he scolds, he waxes poetic, and he is now developing a cult following on the Web ( Some entries from a recent “Log”:

Friday, 6:18 a.m.: “A man was assaulted in what was described as an unprovoked attack at Ninth and H streets. A struggle ensued, falling far short of cinematic depictions of manly conflict.”

Sunday, 4:10 p.m.: “Some people with a pickup truck full of frozen meat of questionable origin were trying to sell same, door to door. On the subject of business licenses, the roving animal-part vendors were vague.”

Tuesday, 2:01 p.m.: “A young man attempted to take something from an I Street cooperative supermarket that didn’t even belong to him. It gets worse. Evidently the lad has taken a very wrong turn and begun experimenting with marijuana. Right here. In our town.”

Wednesday, 1:19 a.m.: “A Valley East tune-lovin’ dude/Did not moderate amplitude/The neighbors, awakened/From walls that were shakin’/Called cops, who restored quietude.”

Thursday, 6:03 p.m.: “Roommate relations dipped a tad when a woman reported a surveillance camera had been placed in her room.”

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