On July 4, Dave Barry — Candidate for President — Answers Questions

By: E&P Staff

As we have noted previously, author/columnist/funnyman Dave Barry is running for president and holding regular press conferences at the www.mcclatchydc.com site.

Here are his answers to readers’ questions on July 4.

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Q. Dear Dave, I am a business woman over 60 and I want to be your VP. I would be on hand to give you an elbow in the ribs when you tried to pick your nose or scratch your behind in public. P.S. I have $5 million.

A: I can’t scratch my behind in public, I see no point in being president.

Q Where do you stand on the freedom of the press? That is to say, do you think they have too much of it? Has the media abused its power? Is NPR accurately reporting the news? Does the White House Press Corps show too much respect for The Oval Office? Does anybody really know what time it is?

A. I know many members of the press corps personally. So they will not be allowed anywhere near the White House.

Q. Do you think this country is ready for a third brand of ketchup?

A. That is just crazy talk.

Q Your Majesty, How do you intend to solve our nation’s crippling shortage of women who will date me?

A. This calls for a massive concerted national effort, similar to when we sent a man to the moon, except that instead of sending a man to the moon, we’ll send you and a woman to the moon.

Q Hello Mr Dave. I am girl. From Russia. This kind of oppcortunity comes ones in a life. I don’t want to miss it. Do you? I am coming to your palace in few days and I though may be we can meet each other. If you don’t mind I ccan send you my picture. Good luck for President!

A. You’re not fooling anybody, Al.

Q. Dear Mr. Barry, what do you propose to do about skyrocketing petroleum prices? For those who do not realize it, our dependence on oil is funding the terrorists, so an alternative power source would be vital to National Security. What do you think?

A. You are harshing my buzz, dude.

Q Are you related to Marion Barry, the former mayor of Washington, DC?

A He is my sister.

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