SPECIAL April 1st EXCLUSIVE:

Editor & Publisher Magazine to Purchase Gannett Newspapers

Sale on hold due to emerging unsettling scandal

Posted

Mike Blinder, CEO of Curated Experiences Group, the Delaware based private company which owns Editor and Publisher Magazine (E&P), the Tampa, Florida based publishing company,  announced today that he was able to craft a deal allowing E&P to acquire all the assets of Gannett Co. (GCI), the Virginia based publishing company, which thanks to the 2019 merger with GateHouse Media, the New York-based publishing company, owns over 100 daily and 1,000 weekly newspapers across 43 U.S. states and six countries.

Blinder also said in his announcement that he was renaming the new media conglomerate “BrickHouse Media,” which will be an Altoona based public company soon to be listed on the NYSE as "NYSE: BM." Blinder also revealed that he will be bringing back GateHouse Media’s previous COO Peter Newton as the new CPO (Chief Print Officer) with a mandate to find instant profitability through press consolidation. It is learned that this plan includes the printing all of Gannett’s newspapers in one facility with the construction of what Blinder is quoted as describing as: "A really, really, really, REALLY, big mother of a press!” The new BM Operations Center is to be located about two miles northwest of Lebanon, Kansas, the geographic center  of the contiguous United States. Newton will be recruiting retired NASCAR drivers to get the newspapers into each individual market within 72-hours of printing, which is, on average, 2-days faster than currently being provided by most Gannett properties.

BREAKING: Pending Investigation Puts Sale on Brief Hold

E&P’s exclusive reporting has learned that the acquisition has been put on a brief hold because Blinder may have used some illegally acquired assets for the purchase through a recently uncovered scandal being referred to in Tampa Bay as “Lombardi-Gate.” E&P has learned that on February 11, 2021, it is alleged that Blinder personally swapped the contents of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ quarterback Tom Brady’s bottles of “Acqua di Cristallo Tributo a Modigliani,” a well-known water product that sells at $3,500 a bottle, with Smirnoff Vodka, the well-known inexpensive alcoholic beverage manufactured by Diageo (NYSE: DEO), the British-based public limited company.

Blinder then allegedly enlisted the help of well-known Vermont based Senator Bernie Sanders, who accompanied Brady on the famous February 11th Tampa Bay Bucs “Water Parade” that took place on the well-known Hillsborough River, a 60-mile waterway that originates in Florida’s well-known Green Swamp, which also serves as the headwater for the Peace River, Withlacoochee River and Ocklawaha River.

It was wondered by many why Sanders in 82-degree weather wore a heavy winter coat and mittens, manufactured by Jen Ellis, a well-known Vermont based elementary school teacher who has a privately held business making mittens out of recycled wool.

Later it was learned that secretly hidden under Sanders heavy coat was a copy of the Vince Lombardi Trophy, an award manufactured by the well-known Tiffany & CO., the New York-based retail empire owned by LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton (Euronext: MC CAC 40 Component), the Paris based public holding company well-known for the manufacture of perfumes, watches, wines, cosmetics, and jewelry.

In an exclusive interview with Police Chief Brian Dugan of the well-known Tampa Police Department, founded in 1893, which today has over 1,000 authorized sworn law-enforcement positions and more than 350 civilian and a support staff of personnel positions, Dugan revealed that Blinder schemed to have Sanders invited to be on the boat with Brady, wait until the quarterback was drunk enough for Sanders to swap the fake trophy for the actual trophy, and then plant the suggestion in Brady that he should toss it to another boat. Both Blinder and Sanders were sure that the well sloshed Brady would miss the toss, with the evidence lost forever in the depths of the river, thus being able to take possession of the trophy, which was the principal asset being used in the sale, along with twenty-seven, 3-day passes for Bush Gardens and SeaWorld, two well-known Florida based amusement centers owned by SeaWorld Parks and Entertainment Corporation (NYSE: SEAS), an Orlando based company whose interim CEO Marc G. Swanson, shares the same last name with well-known Portland, Oregon-based news media consultant Greg Swanson, but after extensive research from E&P is verified to not be related in any way.

Tampa Police would not comment on the story citing it was under “current investigation.” But they did admit that Blinder had been under “double secret probation” for the last few months while they investigated the incident.

E&P reached out to well-known industry notables for their reactions to the scandal; however, Nancy Lane, Florida based CEO of the Local Media Association (localmedia.org), and Immediate Past President of the Villanova University Alumni Associationan, was under medical care and sedation after witnessing the Saturday, March 27,  Villanova Wildcats loss to the Baylor Bears. Dean Ridings, Florida based CEO of America’s Newspapers (newspapers.org), commented, “Who’s Mike Blinder?” And Ken Doctor, California based CEO of Lookout Local (lookout.co) , stated "I predicted this exact acquisition would occur in my 2009 book 'Newsonomics' which is available at Amazon.com for $14.90 hardcover and $11.99 Kindle edition. And I think there may be 1 used copy is up there for 99-cents."

When asked for comment about the ongoing investigation, Blinder referred E&P to the well-known law firm who is representing him: Guiliani and Powell, who put out a brief statement calling the entire story “fake news” and accused E&P of “being the enemy of the people.” Guiliani went on to say that he will tell the real story about this "hoax" at a press conference later today at the well-known Tampa Four Seasons’ Shrimp Shack, Cigar Bar & Live Bait Store in Ybor City.

Comments

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Doris Booth

Well, that is one way to get attention on April Fool’s Day. The story gave me a smile.

Thursday, April 1
Roger W. Hurlbert

WILD!!

Brilliant!

Thursday, April 1
Jim Ferolie

This is great. I love it!

Thursday, April 1
Bruce Crosby

My first april fools of the day! Congratulations!

Thursday, April 1
Todd Bishop

This is truly awful. You should be setting an example for the industry. In no instance is it ever acceptable to fool your readers.

Thursday, April 1
Joanne Persico

Brilliant!

Thursday, April 1
Pam Carter

I woke up this morning, very groggily I might add, and checked my email, to see this headline big and bold!!! I really got excited and happy thinking a newspaper savior has come! Then as I woke up and read further, I realized it was all an April Fool

It

I love it!

Your team does and always has done a great job with E&P......thanks for keeping people informed with the news and the newspaper industry!

Best wishes always,

Pamela Woodell Carter

Fellow Newspaper Lover and Reader

Thursday, April 1
Michael Warren

Given what I know of Mike Blinder, none of this comes as a surprise.

Thursday, April 1
Randall Brant

GREAT story! A bit of much-needed humor!

Thursday, April 1
Mary Ungs-Sogaard

I got all excited at first ... good one!

Thursday, April 1
Tom Hinde

Clever, very clever indeed.

Thursday, April 1