But I Promised the Pirates' Flack That I Wouldn't Quote Anyone But Him!

By: Mark Fitzgerald (Commentary) In recent years, The New York Times has ever more assiduously disclosed the reasons someone is being quoted anonymously or otherwise go off the record in its articles. But surely the explanation that came up in a Times article this week deserves a place in the history of journalism -- and perhaps in the story of what's already shaping up as mankind's most absurd century ever.

Jeffrey Gettleman is the Times correspondent in Nairobi, Kenya, who's been covering the hijacking by Somali pirates of a Ukrainian freighter that turns out to be loaded with weaponry, including tanks. To the usual Times thoroughness of reporting, Gettleman has added a very dry, very subtle -- dare I say Samuel Beckett-esque? -- sensibility to a situation in which modern-day pirates are cornered by American warships, with Russian naval vessels steaming closer.

Somehow the resourceful Gettleman got a number for a satellite telephone used by the pirates. He talked to several of the pirates, and then ... well, here's the gem of an explanation to readers:

"The pirates who answered the phone call on Tuesday morning said they were speaking by satellite phone from the bridge of the Faina, the Ukrainian cargo ship that was hijacked about 200 miles off the coast of Somalia on Thursday. Several pirates talked but said that only Mr. Sugule was authorized to be quoted."

Sugule Ali is the pirates' spokesman. Pirates have flacks! And pirate flacks can set rules about who can and can't be quoted!

That's just plain dispiriting for those of us in the business press who are always facing PR people running interference for the suits, spokespersons who insist on sitting in on interviews, or assert that they can speak for Mr. So-and-So in the C-suites.

That's my Man-in-the-Gray-Flannel-Suit fate. But in my rich fantasy life -- racing towards the Ukrainian freighter bristling with weaponry on a high-speed cigarette boat I "borrowed" from a drug dealer who briefly turned his back at a dockside bar in Mogadishu -- I never thought I would have to make room for a flack. Angelina Jolie maybe, but a spokesperson?

And just what are the ethics of dealing with a pirate? I mean, we're talking pirates here. Aren't the rules turned upside-down? Gettleman, though, played fair, and that's probably all to the good for next journalists who have to deal with, you know, pirates.

In any case, Sugule Ali turns out to the be one of those spokespeople who can turn a phrase nicely, or at least provide answers in the absurdist spirit of what is -- I know, I know -- a serious maritime crime. You can catch a Q&A with him on the Times' "The Lede" blog: http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/30/q-a-with-a-pirate-we-just-want-the-money/?scp=2&sq=pirate&st=cse.

Here's a sample:

Q. Are you going to sell the weapons to insurgents?

A. No. We don't want these weapons to go to anyone in Somalia. Somalia has suffered from many years of destruction because of all these weapons. We don't want that suffering and chaos to continue. We are not going to offload the weapons. We just want the money.

Q. How much?

A. $20 million, in cash. We don't use any other system than cash.

Well, you are using one other system, sir -- the corporate PR system. It's enough to make you cry, "Arrrgh!"