'E&P' Joins the Advice Squad

By: Dave Astor As the advice-column category continues to shake out seven months after Ann Landers' death, we decided to go into this line of work ourselves -- at least for a week. So here are answers to your burning questions about syndication, circa 2003, from our mailbag bulging with made-up letters:

Dear E&P:
As a syndicate president, I'm worried. The economy is still mired in a recession, newspapers are keeping their feature budgets tight, and a number of clients continue to pay us less than $10 a week for the content we offer. How do I stay in business under those conditions?
Sincerely,
Not the Syn of Our Fathers

Threaten to invade another syndicate to take your creators' minds off dwindling royalties.

Dear E&P:
They may be mostly white guys, but you have to admit that America's editorial cartoonists include a lot more liberals and centrists than conservatives. That's not fair. What can we do to change this in 2003?
Sincerely,
So Tired of Satire That's Not Right

Give Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Cal Thomas, and George Will drawing lessons.

Dear E&P:
Some syndicates like to distribute columns by politicians, celebrities, and other non-writers. Given that Hillary Rodham Clinton used to do a column, will Bill Clinton start one this year?
Sincerely,
Lonica Mewinsky

We hear he and Bob Greene will co-write a new feature called "Eight Simple Rules for Dating Someone Else's Daughter."

Dear E&P:
There are only about 100 full-time editorial cartoon jobs left in the country, and several newspapers aren't filling open slots. For instance, the Chicago Tribune hasn't replaced Jeff MacNelly, who died in 2000, yet I heard they filled a sportswriting position almost immediately! How can an unemployed cartoonist find work?
Sincerely,
Job Prospects Go From Nast to Nasty

Apply for a sportswriting position, and when you finally get assigned a column, fill the space with editorial cartoons.

Dear E&P:
The dot-com princes no long party like it's 1999, but my syndicate still earns some bucks selling content to Web sites, wireless clients, and other online customers. Will my electronic business rise in 2003?
Sincerely,
Duke of URL

Yes. But could you please get your readers to stop plunging scissor blades into their computer screens? If they want to cut out a comic strip to tape on their refrigerator, print it first!

Dear E&P:
I am a young cartoonist doing a comic few newspapers are buying because their pages are filled with older strips originally created by artists long deceased. What should I do?
Sincerely,
More Talent Than Clients

Newspapers are reluctant to drop long-running comics because they're terrified 1% of their readers will write angry letters. Identify those readers, send them into the past via time machines, enroll them in under-funded schools, and -- when they return to 2003 -- they won't be able to write letters to newspapers.

Dear E&P:
This year, I expect many syndicated columnists to continue urging President Bush to invade Iraq. But many of them avoided serving in the military themselves. Do these "chicken hawks" have the moral authority to be so pro-war?
Sincerely,
Only the Poor Die Young

Duh. If today's pundits had served in Vietnam, they might have been killed. How could they have then written columns in 2003? (Well, we suppose they could have ghost-written them.)

Dear E&P:
What can we do to make sure The New York Times doesn't win seven Pulitzers again this year?
Sincerely,
All the Questions Fit to Ask

Limit the Times to the editorial cartoon category.

Dear E&P:
Your "Features of the Year" spread each November makes four winners very happy and everyone else thoroughly annoyed. Is the criticism worth it? Why do you do these annual picks?
Sincerely,
Four: What's It Worth?

We at E&P are trying to be named "Masochists of the Year."

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Marlette Angers Muslims

He Defends Cartoon; Writer Suspended

More than 4,500 e-mails criticized a Doug Marlette editorial cartoon showing a Mideast-dressed man at the wheel of a truck carrying a nuclear bomb. The caption: "What Would Mohammed Drive?" -- a play on the "What Would Jesus Drive?" slogan questioning the morality of motoring around in gas-guzzling SUVs.

Many of the e-mails were apparently sent after an alert by the Washington, D.C.-based Council on American-Islamic Relations. CAIR spokesman Ibrahim Hooper told The Herald-Sun of Durham, N.C.: "The cartoon clearly indicates that the prophet Mohammed is driving the truck. If he [Marlette] had put Osama bin Laden or an extremist driving, he wouldn't have gotten the complaints. But when you attack the prophet Mohammed directly, Muslims get upset."

Marlette, in a statement, said: "The truth, like it or not, is that Muslim fundamentalists have committed devastating acts of terrorism against our country in the name of their prophet. ... My only regret is that the thousands who e-mailed me felt that my drawing was an assault upon their religion or its founder. It was not. It was an assault on the distortion of their religion by murderous fanatics and zealots."

The 1988 Pulitzer Prize winner is with the Tallahassee (Fla.) Democrat and Tribune Media Services. The Democrat declined to run the cartoon in its print edition, but it was mistakenly posted automatically on the newspaper's Web site before being quickly pulled.

Meanwhile, the Democrat suspended veteran political writer Bill Cotterell without pay for a week (Jan. 3-10) for remarks he made in an e-mail responding to a reader upset with the Marlette cartoon. Cotterell wrote that most Arab countries need to accept Israel's existence and added: "OK, they can squat around the camel-dung fire and grumble about it, or they can put their bottoms in the air five times a day and pray for deliverance; that's their business. And I don't give a damn if Israel kills a few in collateral damage while defending itself. So be it."

The private e-mail was apparently forwarded to CAIR, which criticized Cotterell's comments before the suspension was announced. Hooper said at the time: "Islamophobia seems to be endemic at the Tallahassee Democrat. Any journalist has a right to his or her political and religious views, but when those views are expressed in such bigoted terms, it raises questions about a media outlet's journalistic balance and objectivity."

Democrat Executive Editor John Winn Miller apologized on behalf of the paper to "all of our readers, and most especially, to readers and members of the Islamic faith everywhere." Miller added that Cotterell's comments "absolutely do not represent the views and sensitivities of this newspaper."

Cotterell, who has been with the Democrat for nearly 20 years, also apologized -- saying his e-mail remarks were "grossly inappropriate and do not reflect my views toward Muslim people."

CAIR Board Chairman Omar Ahmad praised the Democrat for its "swift action" and said: "The newspaper's forthright apology goes a long way toward re-establishing its journalistic credibility with the Muslim and Arab-American communities in Florida."

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Huge Support for Mauldin

Ailing Cartoonist Gets Letters, Visits

More than 10,000 people sent letters to Bill Mauldin during the past five months as he lay mostly mute in a Newport Beach, Calif., nursing facility.

The editorial cartoonist has also received hundreds of visitors since Orange County Register columnist Gordon Dillow wrote about Mauldin in a summer 2002 piece that was the subject of an Aug. 6 E&P Online story. But it was World War II veteran Jay Gruenfeld who got the ball rolling by contacting Dillow about Mauldin, 81, who suffers from Alzheimer's disease.

Gruenfeld, 78, recalled being amazed six decades ago when he first saw Mauldin's Willie and Joe characters -- who embodied the weary average soldier. "I loved the cartoons," he told E&P Online in a phone interview from his Lompoc, Calif., home. "I couldn't get over the fact that a guy could write so well at 22. He hit the nail on the head. He was an infantryman who identified with the foot soldier and didn't glamorize war."

Mauldin won the Pulitzer Prize in 1945 and went on to a distinguished career as a syndicated cartoonist for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch and the Chicago Sun-Times. Meanwhile, Gruenfeld worked in the private-forestry business.

Five years ago, Gruenfeld wrote a self-published book about his World War II experiences that he sent to Mauldin. But it was returned undelivered. Gruenfeld eventually managed to get in touch with one of Mauldin's sons, and learned how sick the cartoonist was. Then Gruenfeld called Dillow, "and things exploded."

Gruenfeld, who visited Mauldin three times last year, said the cartoonist responds to talk of World War II from fellow veterans of that conflict. "It definitely helps," he said. "He's more alert. He follows you with his eyes. I pinned a replica of a combat-infantry badge on him, and he gave me this gorgeous smile."

Diana Schilling, administrator of the facility where Mauldin resides, said the cartoonist "rarely communicates verbally," but agreed that he's clearly buoyed by the visits from his admirers.

She added that the visitors benefit, too. "A lot of them cry when they meet him," Schilling reported. "He helped them get through the war with his humor."

***

Astrologer Omarr Dies at 76

His TMS Column Will Be Continued

Longtime astrology columnist and author Sydney Omarr died Jan. 2 in Santa Monica, Calif., from complications of a heart attack. He was 76.

The Philadelphia-born Omarr had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1971, and eventually became blind and paralyzed from the neck down. But he continued working until suffering the heart attack last month.

Tribune Media Services (TMS) said the column will be continued by Jeraldine Saunders, a longtime friend and confidante of Omarr's. Before he died, Omarr did enough columns to last through March 22. Saunders is an astrologer, author of 11 books, and creator of The Love Boat television series, according to TMS.

Omarr had a client list of 200-plus papers, according to the Los Angeles Times. His more-than-40-year-old feature was distributed by the Los Angeles Times Syndicate before moving to TMS after it purchased LATS in 2000.

The late columnist was also an astrological consultant to various Hollywood stars and, earlier in his career, a radio personality.

***

NCS Honors Non-Cartoonist

Former King Prez Joe D'Angelo Feted

What do Presidents Harry Truman, Dwight Eisenhower, and Joe D'Angelo have in common?

They're among the few non-artists to receive the National Cartoonists Society's Silver T-Square for service to the NCS and/or the cartooning profession.

D'Angelo, president of King Features Syndicate from 1973 to 1997, was presented with the award last month after a unanimous vote of the NCS board of directors.

"The Silver T-Square is normally given to a cartoonist, so that made it even more special for me," said D'Angelo.

At the event, the honoree was praised by people such as Mort Walker, the King-distributed "Beetle Bailey" creator who helped organize the evening. Among the others making remarks were Creators Syndicate President Rick Newcombe and D'Angelo's wife, Marcia, who humorously interspersed the names of various King comics in her speech.

Though he's not an artist, D'Angelo has had a career intricately connected to the cartoon world. He was president of the Newspaper Features Council in the 1980s and still serves as president of the International Museum of Cartoon Art. He worked in several other King executive posts before and after his presidency of that syndicate, and continues to spend much of his time focused on syndication as a consultant to the Hearst Corp. -- King's parent company.

D'Angelo, in an E&P Online interview, said his strongest memories of his King years include the mid-1980s acquisitions of Cowles Syndicate and News America Syndicate -- which greatly increased King's stable of cartoonists and other creators. He also recalled negotiating hundreds of contracts with cartoonists, working with Hearst to give ownership rights back to several high-profile comic creators, losing almost no cartoonists to other syndicates, being at King as advances in technology made the syndication process increasingly digital, and more.

The former president believes King is in good shape today. He said the syndicate, like its competitors, is operating with a leaner staff. And he praised current President T.R. Shepard III, other King executives and employees, and the King sales force -- which helped attract three well-known cartoonists to the syndicate effective Jan. 1. They are "Mother Goose & Grimm" creator/editorial cartoonist Mike Peters, "Bizarro" creator Dan Piraro, and "Crankshaft" creator Tom Batiuk.

D'Angelo said he greatly admires the talent cartoonists have to take a blank sheet of paper and create features enjoyed by millions.

As for syndication in general, D'Angelo acknowledged that the current bad economy and newspaper ad slump have made it a difficult environment to sell features. But he thinks business will improve, and concluded: "As long as there are newspapers, there will be syndicates. They're very, very important to newspapers."

***

Garfield's Monopoly Situation

Cartoon Cat to Star in Famous Board Game

Does "GO" stand for Garfield and Odie?

Yes, a "Garfield" version of the Monopoly board game is scheduled to hit specialty stores next month. It marks the comic strip's 25th anniversary, which will actually be reached this June.

The game's corner properties -- "GO," "Just Visiting/Jail," "Free Parking," and "Go to Jail" -- remain unchanged. But other squares feature Garfield possessions such as his food dish, a cookie jar, and a giant cup of coffee. Instead of "Chance" and "Community Chest" cards, players can draw "Refrigerator" and "Pot Luck" cards for an opportunity to collect $150 for delivering a dozen anchovy pizzas to Garfield. "Monopoly: Garfield 25th Anniversary Collector's Edition" also includes a comic strip showing Garfield, Odie, and Jon playing the game.

"We had a blast putting greedy little Garfield in Monopoly land," said "Garfield" creator Jim Davis. "I grew up playing Monopoly, and it's even influenced the way I do business today. For instance, I own several rental houses and they're all painted green."

In other news, Ballantine has published a book collection called In Dog Years I'd Be Dead: Garfield at 25.

"Garfield" is distributed by Universal Press Syndicate to about 2,600 newspapers, making it the most widely syndicated comic in the world.

***

Landers' Successor Sought

'Chicago Tribune' Uses Focus Groups

The Chicago Tribune is using focus groups to search for a possible replacement for Ann Landers, according to a National Journal piece by William Powers.

He wrote that sentiment of the focus groups -- three from the city and three from Chicago's suburbs -- was toward a mass-audience-type advice columnist like Landers rather than a more niche-oriented writer who might have an edgier approach.

Landers was based at the Tribune when she died last June at age 83. At the time, Creators Syndicate was distributing her column to about 1,200 newspapers.

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