Stephen Colbert Appears on 'Meet the Press' to Discuss Race for President

By: E&P Staff Did Stephen Colbert overshadow Sen. Barack Obama on today's "Meet the Press"? He certain left Tim Russert incredulous if not, of course, speechless, after several minutes of discussing his belated race for president (at least in his native South Carolina), announced just this week.

So, Jimmy, cue it up, here is a partial transcript. The full record of the epic confrontation is at www.msnbc.com.
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RUSSERT: Why are you doing it?

COLBERT: I?m doing it, Tim, because I think our country is facing unprecedented challenges in the future. And I think that the junctures that we face are both critical and unforeseen, and the real challenge is how we will respond to these junctures, be they unprecedented or unforeseen, or, God help us, critical.

RUSSERT: You?ve thought this through.

COLBERT: That?s a generous estimation. Thank you.

RUSSERT: The press reaction to your announcement has been mixed. Here?s one headline.

COLBERT: OK.

RUSSERT: This was on Thursday. ?Electile Dysfunction: Colbert Running For President."

COLBERT: That?s good work. That?s good work.

RUSSERT: Are they, are they questioning, shall we say, your stamina?

COLBERT: I don?t know. I think a lot of people are asking whether?they say is this, is this real, you know? And to which I would say to everybody, this is not a dream, OK? You?re not going to wake up from this, OK? I?m, I?m, I?m far realer than Sam Brownback, let me put it that way.

RUSSERT: Authenticity?s important to the voter.

COLBERT: Absolutely. You got to, you got to convey to them that you mean what you say, and that you?ve put some thought into what you do....

RUSSERT: Why are you running only in South Carolina?

COLBERT: Because I believe that it?s the greatest state of the union, I believe there are things that?I believe I can make a difference there. I think it is time to focus on South Carolina. Florida tried to jump South Carolina?s primary date for both the Republicans and the Democrats. I want to put the focus back on South Carolina. I want it to be a permanent thing. I don?t want Iowa and New Hampshire to be the only people in the United States who get to control who is a bellwether state. And if Iowa and New Hampshire don?t like that, they can take some of that Iowa corn and stick it right up their Dixville Notch.

RUSSERT: You?yet another attempt at humor, Mr. Colbert. You say...

COLBERT: Oh, I?m serious.

RUSSERT: Are you...

COLBERT: I?m serious.

RUSSERT: The mandatory presidential campaign book. All the candidates who have them. Yours is out, ?I Am America (And So Can You!)? On Iraq, this is what you say. ?Once again, God won the war. He just doesn?t occupy very well.?

COLBERT: Yeah.

RUSSERT: God?s on our side in Iraq?

COLBERT: I, I would say he?s not on their side. Do you, do you think he?s on our enemy?s?do you think he?s on our enemy?s side?

RUSSERT: I?m only asking?I?m asking the questions.

COLBERT: Because you?re implying?these are your words. Not mine.

RUSSERT: These are your words from your book.

COLBERT: But your words are certainly in your question. You?ll have to grant me that.

RUSSERT: So God?s not an occupier?

COLBERT: He just didn?t occupy very well in Iraq.

RUSSERT: You know, if you look at the voting blocks that exist in South Carolina and around the country...

COLBERT: Mm-hmm.

RUSSERT: ...I?m quite surprised the way you treat them in this book.

COLBERT: What do you mean?

RUSSERT: Senior citizens? This is what you call them, old people.

?Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don?t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts??

COLBERT: Well, Tim, I, I just don?t understand pensions or Social Security. Why do you get paid after you stop working? That doesn?t make any sense to me.

RUSSERT: Abolish Social Security?

COLBERT: Yes.

RUSSERT: Abolish Medicare?

MR. COLBERT: Yes.

RUSSERT: Abolish all pensions?

COLBERT: Abolish tipping waiters and waitresses because I?ve gotten my food. They get paid by the hour. Why am I giving them extra money? That?s all pensions and Social Security are. It?s a tip at the end of your life.

RUSSERT: Senior voters gone.... The mother, another source of...

COLBERT: Yeah. I love my mother. You?re not going to, you?re not going to attack me for loving my mother, are you?

RUSSERT: You attack all mothers in your book. Again, your words, Mr. Colbert. And here they are.

?Scientists have proven, one assumes, that every flaw in a child can be traced back to a mistake made by the mother. As adults we?re all imperfect, so that means all mothers are incompetent. But some mothers are worse than others. Take women who work. If you work outside the home, you might as well bring coconut arsenic squares to the school bake sale.?

COLBERT: Mm-hmm....

RUSSERT: Gay marriage.

COLBERT: Yeah.

RUSSERT: This is, again, from the Colbert Bible.

COLBERT: Yeah.

MR. RUSSERT: ?The biggest threat,? you say, ?facing America today?next to socialized medicine, the Dyson vacuum cleaner and the recumbent bicycle.?

COLBERT: Yeah.

RUSSERT: That, to you, that means it?s a serious threat to our culture.

COLBERT: Marriage is the basic building block of society. And if gay men get married, that threatens my marriage immediately because I only got married as a taunt toward gay men because they couldn?t.

RUSSERT: So it makes you feel insecure.

COLBERT: Well, I just don?t know else?why I got married other than to rub it in gay people?s faces.

RUSSERT: Would you consider Senator Larry Craig as your running mate?

COLBERT: I would.

RUSSERT: Have you had conversations with him?

COLBERT: Define conversation.

RUSSERT: Have you spoken to him?

COLBERT: No, no.

RUSSERT: Have you met with him? Have you been in the same room together?

COLBERT: Yes. And my...

RUSSERT: And how...

COLBERT: Sorry, my lawyer?s telling me to say no more.

RUSSERT: How did you express your interest in developing your relationship?

COLBERT: Forcefully....

RUSSERT: In your office in New York City...

COLBERT: Mm-hmm.

RUSSERT: ...you have a large...

COLBERT: You?ve been in my office.

RUSSERT: ...a large poster of a president, don?t you?

COLBERT: Richard Nixon.

RUSSERT: Yes, indeed.

COLBERT: 1972. Now more than ever.

MR. RUSSERT: Now, let me show you and our viewers what you said about that. And ?Here?s something Colbertophiles might not know or might not want to know: He loves Richard Nixon. He has a 1972 Nixon campaign poster on the wall of his office. He points at it and says, ?He was so liberal! Look at what he was running on. He started the EPA. He gave 18-year-olds the vote. His issues were education, drugs, women, minorities, youth involvement, ending the draft, and improving the environment. John Kerry couldn?t have run on this!? What I would give for a Nixon.

COLBERT: It?d be great. It?d be great.

RUSSERT: You, you love Richard Nixon.

COLBERT: I have great warm feelings for Richard Nixon. He was the first president that I was aware of, and I was a little upset with him because, when I would come home in the afternoons from school, instead of ?The Munsters? or ?The Three Stooges? on TV, it was Senator Sam Ervin. And while his eyebrows were hilarious, they weren?t quite as good as Herman Munster.

RUSSERT: Would you be Nixonian in your approach to the presidency?

MR. COLBERT: I?d be Nixonish or Nixonoid. Is that like being Nixonian? Define Nixonian. Powerful?

RUSSERT: (Unintelligible)

COLBERT: Paranoid? Fun-loving and gay? Absolutely....

RUSSERT: Richard Nixon had a very difficult relationship with the media, as you well know.

COLBERT: I have a very difficult relationship with the media.

RUSSERT: That?s my point.

COLBERT: Because I?m a member of the media, and I don?t trust us.

MR. RUSSERT: You don?t, you don?t have Nixon to kick around anymore. Do you remember that?

COLBERT: I do.

RUSSERT: And I remember the White House correspondents? dinner, April of 2006.

COLBERT: I blacked out for most of that, but go ahead...

RUSSERT: What do you watch, yourself, as a person preparing a run for the presidency?

COLBERT: I watch my show to get a pulse for the nation. I have to watch Jon Stewart?s show because he tosses to me at the end of his show. I like ?Grey?s Anatomy,? that?s a pretty good show. I like Conan O?Brien.

RUSSERT: These men you?re describing, aren?t they liberal?

COLBERT: Jon?s?I would say Jon has had some misguided statements. I don?t think Conan?s liberal. I don?t think Conan?s made any political statements.

RUSSERT: If you are trounced in South Carolina, I mean...

COLBERT: All right, all right, here?s the attack. Yeah. All right.

RUSSERT: Simple question.

COLBERT: Yeah, I?m trounced.

RUSSERT: What happens then?

COLBERT: Well, it?s proportional voting on the Democratic side. All I need is enough votes on the Democratic side to get one delegate, and I?ll feel like I?ve won. Because if, at the Democratic National Convention, somebody has to stand up and say, ?The proud state of South Carolina, the palmetto state, the home of the greatest peaches and shrimp in the world, casts one vote for native son, Stephen Colbert,? I?d say I won.

RUSSERT: So you will not allow that Democratic convention to claim their nominee. There will be no unanimous acclamation.

COLBERT: No...

RUSSERT: You?re going to stop that.

COLBERT: Listen, why else run as a favorite son if you?re not going to broker a convention. And if I get, and if I get a delegate, it will be a brokered convention. Unless they offer me to speak there, then maybe I would turn over my delegate.