Journalist to White House: 'Show Me the Money!'

By: Daniel Tynan Now that we've uncovered a third "journalist" who hopped aboard the Bush gravy train, it's become very clear to me that I'm going about things all wrong.

There I was, a hard-working, award-winning, well-respected journalist (I hope), with a reputation for fairness, thinking I was a success.

Armstrong Williams, Maggie Gallagher, and Mike McManus clearly knew something I didn't: Objectivity is for suckers.

The real money is in pay-for-play writing gigs.

So I'm turning over a new leaf. From now on, I am for sale.

I call it "custom journalism," and I've cooked up a little rate sheet that I'd like to share with the world.

Custom Journalism Rates:

1. Casual reference to a product/person in a story where they're otherwise irrelevant: $1,000.

2. Gushingly positive review of a product or service: $5,000+.

3. Fawning, sycophantic profile of a corporate executive or political figure: $25,000+.

4. TV or radio appearance in which I misrepresent an opposing viewpoint and dismiss it out of hand: $50,000+.

5. Feature article with a generally positive tone toward Microsoft, the Bush Administration, or the state of Texas: $100,000 (per piece).

I'd also like to add that I'm happy to do any of this in the negative -- say, slam a competitor's product or slander a public figure -- for an additional 25% surcharge.

My only regret is that no political figure, official, or organization paid me to write this column (so far).

Anyone who's interested in arranging for my services may reach me through my blog, witlist.blogspot.com. Thank you.